Between the Shadow and the Soul
by Darling Violeta
Summary: "I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul." Written by IWRY Marathon 2018.


_**BETWEEN THE SHADOW AND THE SOUL**_

 _ **I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz,**_

 _ **or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.**_

 _ **I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,**_

 _ **in secret, between the shadow and the soul.**_

Even the love of her life losing his soul, Buffy still loved him. Even if a bloodthirsty demon stood in his place, terrifying everything and everyone, Buffy still loved him. Even Angelus killing one of her friends, she still loved him. Nothing he did would change this fact. Buffy loved Angel with every little piece of her soul, no matter what he did.

There was something about Angel, even Angelus, that drew her to him. Angel attracted her thanks to the calm energy that burned inside him. His sadness and his darkness attracted her like an insect is drawn to the light. So she surrendered herself to him, and knew that he had returned everything she felt, even if he had become a monster.

And then there was Angelus. He was a bloodthirsty, cruel vampire without a soul. However, Buffy also felt attracted to him. His darkness called her, and it was almost irresistible. It was like the sea, swallowing its ships. Big, strong, hypnotic.

Maybe that's why she left him alive so long. But then Angelus crossed the line, daring to go against her friends. Buffy would not dare lose anyone else. And she was the vampire slayer, she should act, even going against the love of her life.

She was determined. Buffy was a soldier, and she knew that. Duty went beyond feelings. She would march on the enemies to the end. And somehow she knew it would be. Either she or Angelus would not return, that was certain. She dressed in black in mourning, armed herself and went out to meet her fate. Someone would not survive that night.

 _ **I love you as the plant that never blooms**_

 _ **but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;**_

 _ **thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,**_

 _ **risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.**_

Angelus still listened to the soul in the darkest corners of his mind. Even trying to ignore him, he knew they were always bound. As Angel listened the devil, Angelus listened the soul. What infuriated him most was to be contaminated by the feelings of the soul, especially love. The soul nurtured a genuine sentiment for Buffy, the vampire slayer, and Angelus had long since been contaminated.

Angelus was attracted to Buffy, as was Angel, so he hated her. So his obsession with her. His desire to torture, to see her suffer, was to mask his true feelings. If Angelus did not hate Buffy, he would love her. And love was impossible for him.

 _ **I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.**_

 _ **I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;**_

 _ **so I love you because I know no other way**_

None of them knew how it started. Buffy went on a hunt with the intention of ending that story, and Angelus just wanted to forget the slayer. But then the feelings hidden for so long came to the surface in a peculiar way. Buffy rescued a girl from the clutches of Angelus and they began to fight.

Angelus dropped Buffy and trapped her underneath him. Buffy felt the fangs around her neck, knowing it would be the end. However, instead of the pain of the bite, she saw the vampire's face return to normal. She felt the hard kiss as well.

"I hate you!" He growled and kissed her again.

When Angelus realized what he was doing, he released her and walked away. Buffy stayed there, processing everything. Still clouded, she let her darkest thoughts come to the surface. She still did not quite understand what was happening, she just knew she needed to be with him. She could not stand Angelus any more, nor Angel's failure to do so. At least stay with her loved one, even if only part of him.

"I want to be like you. Make me be just like you ... " Buffy asked, catching him by surprise. Angelel blinked at her direct words, taking some time to process what she said. Buffy wanted to be a vampire? To be with him?

He waited a long time for it, though the circumstances were different than he'd imagined. Angelus kissed her hard and grabbed her arm. He pulled her out of the graveyard, and took Buffy to the mansion.

He tossed Buffy into bed, then climbed over her. The clothes left quickly. Though his actions bordered on brutality, she felt aroused and attracted. Her darkness welled up. Buffy moaned as she felt him inside her. Between rapid movements, their moans echoed through the house, for anyone to hear that they became one. They waited so long for what they could not contain.

Buffy reached the pinnacle feeling a strange pain in her neck. She screamed, yet her cry was muffled by the weakness that dominated her body. Already Angelus reached the climax at the same time that felt its life to fade. Still inside her, he shared his blood with her. It was done. Buffy was now just like him.

 _ **than this: where "I" does not exist, nor "you",**_

 _ **so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,**_

 _ **so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.**_

She was disoriented when she woke up. But she also felt free, without moral dilemmas, without duties, only her. The emptiness in her chest still bothered her, as if something were missing there. And Buffy knew what was missing.

Angelus waited anxiously for her return. He smiled, proud of himself for turning the slayer into a vampire. His best work, no doubt. He imagined that by then another slayer had already been called, and Buffy's friends would miss her. Then that night he planned to run away with her.

They watched the mansion together catch fire, burning everything inside. And Buffy's friends thought the mansion was gone with them. Angelus took Buffy in a long kiss, then guided her away. Together, they would be free and immortal in other lands. Sunnydale will stay in the past. Free and next to his mate, he was the closest to happiness he would ever dream.


End file.
